How It Begins
Sometimes the biggest transformations begin not with a grand plan, but with quiet restlessness – the sense that something inside is asking for more. In 2012, while recovering from foot surgery, I began listening to that voice. What followed was the start of a deeply personal “interior renovation”, a journey toward meaningful work, self-clarity, and purpose.
From my journal, March 17, 2012 (with edits)
I have been so out of sorts lately… I want to get going on the next phase of my life and have no real idea how to make it happen.
I’m considering the counseling path and am not sure which way to go. I spoke at length last evening with a woman named Janet who is doing what I think I want to do. She was in the corporate world for many years as a programmer, then went back to school for her master’s in counseling and is now a career counselor. She was wonderful—she spent at least 30 minutes on the phone with me, listening to my story and offering insight. She said there were a few directions I could go, which was very helpful.
My goal is to find meaningful work that challenges me mentally, helps others, is interesting, and can provide me with a decent living for the second half of my life. I want a schedule that’s somewhat flexible – one I can control. I’m interested in leadership, organization, and things that improve how businesses work.
This writing practice is so helpful. I feel calmer and clearer when I can get these thoughts out of my head. There’s so much swirling around, and it has the potential to make me crazy if I don’t write it out.
2012: Restless
In early 2012, I had foot surgery. For some time, I’d been restless, feeling unfulfilled and noticing that the volume on my inner disquiet was slowly increasing. Also restless from my recovery, I decided to use the time off from work to explore career options. Those two weeks officially began my Interior Renovation.
While healing, I took a few pivotal actions that led to some big changes in our lives:
- I bought and began re-reading What Color Is Your Parachute? by Richard Bolles.
- I met with two career counselors.
- I completed two assessments: the Strong Interest Inventory and the MBTI.
- I began researching master’s degree programs.
- I started writing about my ideas.
I had no idea what was next, but I knew I wanted to go back to school. For what? Unclear. Why? I couldn’t articulate a solid reason. I certainly didn’t know how we’d afford it or what the time commitment or family impact would be.
Looking back, I now realize this is how change often begins. You have an idea and take one improbable, uncertain step. You listen to the voice inside and open yourself up to exploration, even when there’s resistance, even when the way forward is completely unclear.
As Rumi said:
“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears. Clarity doesn’t come before action—it comes from action.”
Doing the Work
During this time, I began piecing together a more integrated version of myself, a melding of wife, mother, and individual. As I analyzed my assessments and completed the exercises in Bolles’ book, things began slowly coming into focus. I was interested in psychology and people. I loved helping others. Those insights led me to explore a variety of programs, and it was during this exploration that a crucial piece of advice emerged – one that made clear which path to take at that fork in the road.
Early on, I considered pursuing a degree in counseling. In one of my career coaching sessions, we reviewed my assessment results and talked honestly about what the profession entails day-to-day. My coach mentioned that my temperament might be too fast paced to fully align with the slower, more gradual process of therapy.
Whoa.
It was the proverbial lightning bolt of truth, and one of the best pieces of advice, ever.
I didn’t need to think further. I could easily see how that profession might not align with my natural work style and temperament. She helped me avoid investing in a long, expensive program that wouldn’t truly fulfill me, and helped me recognize that another path awaited.
That was a moment I’ve never forgotten. This “almost a fit” path was a no. And with that clarity, I could confidently close one door and begin opening others.
Building the Criteria
Over that spring, I continued researching programs and professions. I took a multifaceted approach, blending what I’d learned from the assessments with my interests and a desire to leverage my existing career experience.
Here’s what began to take shape. I wanted:
- To use my previous experience and education in a new way.
- To deepen my understanding of psychology and people (just not as a therapist).
- To create a career trajectory that would keep me engaged for the second half of my life.
- To be able to look back and know I had created meaning and impact.
- To turn on the full power of my mind.
- To earn an income commensurate with my skills and experience.
These became the criteria guiding my research. As I explored options and eliminated others, one day in early June, I found a program at the University of San Diego that made every fiber of my being say Yes! It was the Master of Science in Executive Leadership (MSEL). Every class on the syllabus looked fascinating, and I knew I’d found my next step.
Navigating the Uncertainty
So, I got hustling, even with all the unanswered questions. What does the application process entail? How much does it cost? When does it run? Will my boss approve my being out one Friday a month for almost two years? Who will take care of Alex? Will my attention to this detract from our family?
It was a challenging and scary moment. At first, my husband Tim wasn’t fully on board, our financial security was tenuous, and he was in between jobs, also frustrated with his career. That created tension between us. But in my soul, I knew I needed to pursue this for our collective long-term health, even though I couldn’t fully explain it.
That was another huge growth moment: moving forward even amid uncertainty and doubt.
I drafted the essays, submitted the application, and one day in late June, my phone rang. It was USD. I had a good feeling. I got in, and what a thrill!
I still didn’t know all the answers, but step by step, we figured things out. I took out loans, talked with my boss, arranged childcare, and in August 2012, twenty-two of us met for the first time for a week of learning about ourselves. That week marked the beginning of my journey into leadership – and into my fully realized self.
Final Thoughts
Looking back, that period of uncertainty wasn’t a detour, it was the beginning. My Interior Renovation taught me that clarity doesn’t come from waiting for certainty; it comes from taking one small step at a time. Every meaningful change in my life has begun that same way: a quiet restlessness, a single decision, and the courage to keep walking until the way appears.
Coaching Questions
- In what areas of your life do you feel restless or unclear?
- What actions can you take to move towards greater clarity?
Today’s Song for the Playlist
- As – by George Michael featuring Mary J. Blige. It will get you moving!
Resources:
- Book: What Color is Your Parachute. (Been around forever, but so good, and do the exercises!)
- Photo by Tolu Akinyemi 🇳🇬 on Unsplash
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